16 Skills for Better Friendships

Reflecting on some Social Skills that I’ve learned the hard way, so that you don’t have to.

Imagine going through high school again, but with the social skills you’ve picked up since being 16? (Don’t worry, no one is forcing you to go back!)

I have a sister who’s 10 years younger than me, so I sort of get to do that!

This large age gap has given me the unique experience of a) getting to have a mini-me, and b) witnessing the same challenges that I went through as a teen, but with 10 years more experience under my belt.

And I’d like to think that my sister has the unique benefit of having me there to equip her with tools and techniques to handle the social challenges a bit more gracefully than I did at her age.

So, as I turn 26, I’d like to take the time to reflect on some lessons around Friendship that I’ve learned the hard way, and offer 16 tips to my 16 year old sister so that by the time she’s 26, she may be a friendshipping Wizard!

1. Don’t take your friends too seriously

If they have quirks that bother you, find a way to see the endearing side of it and even let yourself be amused.

2. Different Friends for Different things

Some friends might be helpful and wonderful in some situations, and the worst in others. Don’t resent them for it, just take note that they are better friends for ‘X.’

3. No competition necessary

Trust that your friends know how cool and awesome you are, don’t worry about trying to prove it.

4. Do the pros outweigh the cons?

To determine whether a friendship is worth fighting for, try to decide whether the good bits about them outweigh the bad bits.

5. Friendship breakups are a thing

No one really talks about this, but breaking up with a friend is sometimes necessary, and always heartbreaking.

6. Don’t take people for granted

I’m a notorious ‘Bad Texter’ but - I’ve learned - that that doesn’t justify going 6 months without checking in on my friends. Eventually, they’ll move on and by the time you notice it’ll be too late.

7. Stay in touch with the people you care about

Basically, another way to say the above point is super important.

8. Let yourself be vulnerable and real

It’s hard to make the right friends if you don’t show who you truly are. If they’re the good kind of people that you should be hanging out with, they’ll appreciate the real you.

9. First, be a friend to yourself

How can you expect others to like you if you don’t like yourself?

10. Friendships go through rocky patches

Don’t write off a friendship if it’s going through a rough patch, just take a breather and trust that you can go back to each other when you’re ready.

11. A good fight can bring you even closer to a friend

Fighting with someone means that you care about each other! You’re passionatly explaining to the other person how they can stay in your life.

12. Keep a list of the people that you never want to lose touch with, and once in a while go through the list and make sure you’ve been in touch recently

Since I was 13 I’ve kept a list of the friends that I plan on wanting to have at my wedding. It reminds me who’s special to me and who I should be keeping in touch with.

13. Share good news with your friends, let them be excited for you

Initiate a culture of sharing good news with your friends, it’s fun to get excited for each other!

14. Some friends only come into your life for a specific reason

When a friendship drifts apart it can be heartbreaking and disappointing, but I’ve been comforted by recognizing the good times that a former friend brought into my life and realizing that that must have been why they came in the first place.

15. Don’t be judgemental, but Do share your preferences and opinions

It may take some failed attempts, but practice telling your friends what your opinion is while reassuring them that there is no judgment being made.

16. Understand where your friends are coming from

Take the time to understand why your friends do the things they do. It will help you feel compassion and empathy for them rather than being judgemental.

Stay Friendly, xoxo