Let’s Combat Our Negativity Bias

AKA, that nasty little devil on your shoulder

“Well, he obviously hates me and thinks I’m an idiot.”

I’ve been in that negative space plenty of times, and for my own sanity, I’m going to tell myself that you’ve been in that dark place, too.

It’s called a Negativity Bias, and we’ll dive into how our social and personal lives would change if we focused our energy elsewhere!

Think of the Negativity Bias as that little devil on your shoulder whispering nasty things to you all day long.

Examples of a thriving Negativity Bias…

“They wish I hadn't come to lunch!” “I said something so stupid!”

You go out with friends for a 3-hour lunch with some of your best friends, yet after lunch, instead of focusing on the 2 hours and 55 minutes of lovely friend time, you focus on the 5- minutes when it feels like everyone at the table was ignoring you.

“They never want to talk to me again”

You go several weeks without talking to a friend because of a terrible fight over a miscommunication. Instead of remembering all the years of your wonderful friendship, you focus on the pain of the fight and assume the friendship is over forever.

“It’s too risky, no thanks.”

Allowing one scary news article to carry more weight than the countless positive instances that people have experienced, letting one freak accident dictate what activities you take part in.

This little devil has been with us on our shoulders for so long that we don’t even realize that there may be other ways to perceive the situation!

Our negative bias interferes with our ability to connect with others and ourselves because it takes us out of the moment and forces us to go to a dark and unwelcoming place, filled with our worst fears.

So, how can we combat our negative bias? I’m happy you asked!

1. Recognize when you are focusing on something negative and counter it with 3 positive thoughts about the same scenario. For example, in response to the little devil making you question whether your friends love you, think of 3 examples of proof that they do value you!

2. Practice positive self-talk. It’s easy to get caught up in thought patterns, but try to re-train your mind to seek more positive than negative thoughts.

3. Repeat the piece of negative self-talk in a funny voice, like Oscar The Grouch, or the Cookie Monster to demonstrate to yourself just how silly your negative bias sounds and to allow yourself to take it less seriously!

As you start to stand up to your negative bias, you’ll see that you begin connecting with people more authentically because you won’t be caught up in your own insecurities, and you’ll be able to be mindful of the people you’re around.

Remember that you’re not the only one trying to combat a negative bias, so practice compassion for the people around you who may be taking things more negatively than intended; while you’re at it, practice self-compassion for yourself because there’s no way you are as awful as that devil on your shoulder is making you out to be!

Be Friendly, xoxo

[Originally posted Jun 15, 2021]